...It's only been a few days, & already I'm exhausted of telling people.. And I've hardly had to tell anyone.. Antonio, my mom, a cousin who would inform the rest of my cousins & my aunt, a few friends that are like family & who I wouldn't want to find out another way.. But Matt has handled the bulk of informing.. But yet I'm more exhausted today than I feel like I've been the whole time (has it really been only 6 days since we found out? It feels like a lifetime).. The stress of anticipating a person's reaction kills me.. I mean, how do you bring something like that up?.. I hope the few people that have been told take the initiative to tell others for us.. That's less people that I have to tell personally.. My mind exhausts me..
...Yesterday, Matt & I were able to joke about it for the first time.. He had found a piece of nail polish I had peeled off in the shower.. He thought it was a whole toenail & set it aside & saved it.. When he cautiously asked me about it, I laughed so hard.. I grabbed my phone, mocking that I was looking something up & said, "You were probably like, (mock typing) 'Does cervical cancer cause toenails to fall off?'" And we both laughed & laughed.. It felt good.. It felt like a landmark event.. Even though it was only 5 days after the diagnosis, it had felt like an eternity.. It felt like an important stand-out moment to remember.. We had reached a point we could joke about it....... Now just 1 day later, that moment itself feels like a lifetime passed.. And I'm exhausted, & confused about my vast change in mindset.. What is it about cancer that warps time & thoughts so incredibly much?.... My mind exhausts me...
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