...I'm so angry.. Just.. so angry.. I confided in Matt this morning about my intense frustration.. He was so sweet.. I'm not angry about the cancer.. I'm not angry at any person.. I'm angry because I need a common understanding from someone, anyone, just 1 person, from someone who has had this exact kind of surgery.. I'm tired of hearing "when I had this or that procedure done.." in a way that they really & truly think it's the same surgery.. They think they're being helpful, but they're making it worse.. Because there's nothing worse than someone saying they understand when you know they really don't....
...I don't say anything when someone does that because I don't want to minimize what they've had to go through.. And I don't want to minimize the efforts they are putting forth to try to be encouraging, I know their intentions are good & I appreciate that.. But I desperately yearn for someone that truly understands.. someone that knows that a 'radical hysterectomy' takes out 3x MORE than a complete hysterectomy, & is ONLY done for cancer.. Someone who knows that if a seemingly similar 'procedure' or 'surgery wasn't for a malignant tumor, an invasive cancer, then plain & simple it wasn't anywhere near the scope of this surgery done, & therefore just like I don't want to minimize what they went through, doesn't in turn minimize what I'm going through.. because they have REALLY & truly been there themselves..
...I cried & poured out my heart to Jehovah about what I need.. Please, I need just 1 person.. I don't need it to be someone close to home, I don't care if it's a complete stranger, I don't care if it's simply a blog I come across online with someone's written thoughts as they went through it who I never even meet face to face, I just need it to be a person.. Just 1 person.. Any person..
...I had a terrible time trying to keep it together getting ready for the congregation meeting tonight.. Honestly, I probably wouldn't have gone so that I could stay home & cry some more because it's what I felt that I really needed.. But I had agreed to do a substitute assignment on the program tonight, & I would not bring myself to cancel it last minute.. But I'm grateful for that assignment, because I did know that what I really & truly needed was to be there where Jehovah's holy spirit & encouragement would be, where the congregation was.. Hebrews 10:25.. And I knew that I wouldn't have been strong enough to go otherwise..
...I took a deep breath, plugged ahead, & smiled.. What else do you do..
.................The very first person that spoke to me when I walked into the hall... The very first person.. I didn't have to say a word.. She had heard the news & asked me a few questions & ... it was her.. the answer to my prayer.. The exact understanding I desperately needed.. Exact.. And more.. I never expected it so quickly, or so close to home.. Thank you, Jehovah.. Thank you.. Thank you..
You amaze me with your strength sis! It is so encouraging seeing how Jehovah is helping you through this!
ReplyDelete💜 Love you. 😘
Deletewas doing some research on radical hysterectomy (RH) and I read that the very first RH ever done was at John's Hopkins. How awesome is that. Totally Jehovah's direction. U all remains in my thoughts and prayers!!!!!
ReplyDeletePretty neat! I didn't know that either, but just had to go read more about it after you told me! Thank you! 😘
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